Birthdays and Halloween and School... Oh MY!

So, first we had two birthday parties to attend today. The first was for my co-workers daughter Alice, who turn 5. We spent 2 hours at McDonald's with Ryan breaking only long enough to inhale his lunch. The only down side was that he managed to smack his head on a table and leave a HUGE bump on his forehead.... I will be expecting calls from social services after school Monday when he has 2 black eyes from this injury :P

The second party was for Willie. It didn't turn out to be as big of a surprise as I would have liked, but he still didn't know he was coming to a party for him... so it worked out OK :) We had great food, an awesome cake, and great company.... I really do enjoy the people here and will really miss them all when we have to leave :)

Halloween is fast approaching... and I am going as Harley Quinn from Arkham Asylum... very hot costume.... however I know I will FREEZE up here in that outfit. Also, I am still waiting for it to get here as it is being custom made to fit me exactly like it should! I'm getting anxious... I can't wait to see how awesome it looks! I also don't know what to do about trick or treating.... I am afraid it will be too cold for going outside, but I have to take Ryan trick or treating SOMEWHERE..... so I guess we will dress warm, or find an indoor place doing trick or treating.... more to follow on this issue!

And school... *sighs* School starts again Monday. I am feeling all burnt out and it hasn't even started yet.... but I know that if I take a semester off, I will regret it, and it will significantly slow me down. I still have a 4.0, so I am doing really well despite my feelings of burnout.... guess I just need to suck it up and deal :) The sooner it's done, the sooner I can move on to bigger and better things... like my PhD. or Med School... wait.... that's MORE school... ugh.

Back.... again.... right?

So.... Again, I am going to try Blogging again. I haven't done this in FOREVER (yes... Dave I KNOW how long it has been!) I am super tired right now, and getting ready to go to bed. Have you ever noticed though, that you get to a point where you are SO tired you are SUPER easy to distract, and because of that it takes you TWICE as long to get up the stairs to bed because you think of 20 things you forgot to do? Yeah... thats me right now. I will try my best to post on here every couple of days again. We shall see how it works. Goodnight world!

Something that I already Know...

Here we are, seven days And seven nights of empty tries

This rituals, habitual But it's never gonna work this time

We're to the point of no return

And along the way the only thing we've learned

Is how to hurt each other

I'm looking back and wondering why

It took so long to realize

That nothing's changed, and never will

All these years of standing still

And still we stay in all this pain

And nothing's gonna make it go away

I don't wanna wait another minute

Put me out of my misery

I can read your mind baby you're not in it

And we're not what we used to be

No you wouldn't have to lie to me If you would only let me go

And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

So save your voice, Don't waste your breath

Can't you see we're at the end

And this goodbye feels permanent

So wish me well and try to forget

All the fights and all the ways

We almost made it but we never did

And it's finally come to this

I don't wanna wait another minute
Put me out of my misery
I can read your mind baby you're not in it
And we're not what we used to be
No you wouldn't have to lie to me If you would only let me go
And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear
Something that I already know
I know, I know, I know
Something that I already know
I know, I know, I know

We can not hide what we've become

So sick and tired of being numb

It's done, it's done, It's done

I don't wanna wait another minute

Put me out of my misery

I can read your mind baby you're not in it

And we're not what we used to be

No, you wouldn't have to lie to me If you would only let me go

And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know, 'cause I know

Merry Christmas!

Wow... a lot has changed since last year... My son will be 1 year old on Thursday.... I can't believe how time has flown. I first want to say hello to all of my wonderful friends out there. Without you, the last year would have been much harder. Know that I am hanging in there. Next, to my amazing family.... without you.... who knows where would be! I love you all... Friends and family alike. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday!

I bet you are asking yourself why I am up at 3am on Christmas eve. I wish I could say it was excitement.... but Ryan is sick and running a fever..... so it was cold bath time. Now we are sitting here... playing online and trying to get him back to sleep. *sighs* I am exhausted! He seems better.... but the thermometer will tell in about an hour when I check him again.

So.... that is my Christmas eve.... thinking about friends and caring for a sick baby! I will write again tomorrow and tell you all about the cool goodies I will get! Merry Christmas!
Jenni

What a JERK!

Ok... so for those of you who don't know, my Grandfather (my moms Dad) has been placed in a nursing home. He has been very sick for years, and it got to the point that my grandmother could not care for him alone anymore. About 8 years ago, my uncle Ron bought the house my grandparents live in because they couldn't afford the mortgage on it any longer. He told them that he would buy it and that way, if anything happened, they wouldn't lose their home.

Now, my grandmother being the person she is, has been paying a couple hundred dollars a month in rent because she felt obligated to. With my grandfather on extended care, she is not able to make that payment any longer.

Now here is where I get pissed off. She is currently giving everything away because she is going to have to leave her home... because my jack ass of an uncle has decided that he would rather make a buck and rent the house out than allow his own MOTHER to have a place to live. We are all beside ourselves and don't know what to do.

I would really like to fly to Oregon and punch him in the face. But I could go to jail... so I cant. I am so upset that I can't even begin to describe what I think of my uncle right now. The other kids are trying to figure out a solution, but none of them have the money to help. And now most of them are more worried about what they want from the house than about my Grandmother. *Sighs* I'm going to bed.

What I'm Thankful For...

I figured with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I would do a quick post of what I am thankful for.

First, I am thankful for my family. Despite all of the rough spots this year has brought, there have been many more blessings. Ryan is the light of my life, and I can't imagine life without him. My mom has been such an amazing person to me this year more than ever. Helping me with Ryan is the best gift I could have ever been given. I love being able to spend time with her. To the rest of my Family, everyday I get to see you, talk to you, or just know you are there is one more day I am thankful for.

To all of my wonderful Friends.... where would I be without you? You have been my Rock and my shoulder to cry on. I can't tell you what each an everyone of you mean to me. I love you all... and thank you for always being there when I needed you... I only hope that I can repay the favor.

I am also very thankful for the gifts and blessings I have been given. 4 Years in the army taught me many things... but nothing more important than how precious life is. I want to live each day to its fullest... and I hope you will all be there to share it with me. God Bless you all! And HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

What would you do?

Ok.... so this is going to be a pretty serious post...

What would you do....

If you felt like your world was falling apart around you?
If everything you had worked for the last 6 years was slipping from your fingers?

My husband asked me tonight, if I had thought about what would happen if we got divorced. For the last few months, we have been having problems... He feels like he isn't ready to be a husband. That if he were to try he would fail. And that if he were to stay with me, he would be living a lie because he isn't ready to be tied down. he thinks we married to young. He said we have grown apart. He wants to find out who he is before he will be ready.... if ever.... to be married. He told me tonight that he can't be himself around me. That he cant do anything he wants to do with me.

You want to know the wierd part? I asked him what he couldn't do. And what he told me was one of the things I LOVED about him when we first met. And I remember trying for a long time to get him to do ANYTHING that we used to do together... and he never wanted to. I miss the person I married almost 4 years ago. I miss the fun loving guy who used to throw me in the snow between classes. Or the guy who used to take his shirt off when he rock climbed just to show off. So many of the things he feels he can't do are reasons why I love him so much in the first place.

So many times recently I have wanted to yell at him. Wanted to tell him to grow up... stop being so selfish... we have a CHILD together. I want to cry to him.... beg him not to give up on what we have. He keeps telling me that he will be there for Ryan no matter what... that he will always be a father to his son. But how can he commit to that if h can't be a husband. My dad said the same thing and you don't even want to get me started on that story. I don't see how he can commit to one if he isnt capable of commiting to the other.

So what do I do now. Do I tell him to go.... I'll wait forever for him? Do I beg and plead and hope he comes around? Do I get mad at him (I have red hair you know!) and tell him exactly how selfish I think he is being. Do I roll over, take it, and become a single mom at 23? I know I can't do it alone... I know that I am fooling myself in to thinking that once he gets here in 2 weeks that he will realize what he would be losing and grow up and everything will be peachy keen. I don't even know how to date anymore. I don't want to be a single mom....