What a JERK!

Ok... so for those of you who don't know, my Grandfather (my moms Dad) has been placed in a nursing home. He has been very sick for years, and it got to the point that my grandmother could not care for him alone anymore. About 8 years ago, my uncle Ron bought the house my grandparents live in because they couldn't afford the mortgage on it any longer. He told them that he would buy it and that way, if anything happened, they wouldn't lose their home.

Now, my grandmother being the person she is, has been paying a couple hundred dollars a month in rent because she felt obligated to. With my grandfather on extended care, she is not able to make that payment any longer.

Now here is where I get pissed off. She is currently giving everything away because she is going to have to leave her home... because my jack ass of an uncle has decided that he would rather make a buck and rent the house out than allow his own MOTHER to have a place to live. We are all beside ourselves and don't know what to do.

I would really like to fly to Oregon and punch him in the face. But I could go to jail... so I cant. I am so upset that I can't even begin to describe what I think of my uncle right now. The other kids are trying to figure out a solution, but none of them have the money to help. And now most of them are more worried about what they want from the house than about my Grandmother. *Sighs* I'm going to bed.

What I'm Thankful For...

I figured with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I would do a quick post of what I am thankful for.

First, I am thankful for my family. Despite all of the rough spots this year has brought, there have been many more blessings. Ryan is the light of my life, and I can't imagine life without him. My mom has been such an amazing person to me this year more than ever. Helping me with Ryan is the best gift I could have ever been given. I love being able to spend time with her. To the rest of my Family, everyday I get to see you, talk to you, or just know you are there is one more day I am thankful for.

To all of my wonderful Friends.... where would I be without you? You have been my Rock and my shoulder to cry on. I can't tell you what each an everyone of you mean to me. I love you all... and thank you for always being there when I needed you... I only hope that I can repay the favor.

I am also very thankful for the gifts and blessings I have been given. 4 Years in the army taught me many things... but nothing more important than how precious life is. I want to live each day to its fullest... and I hope you will all be there to share it with me. God Bless you all! And HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

What would you do?

Ok.... so this is going to be a pretty serious post...

What would you do....

If you felt like your world was falling apart around you?
If everything you had worked for the last 6 years was slipping from your fingers?

My husband asked me tonight, if I had thought about what would happen if we got divorced. For the last few months, we have been having problems... He feels like he isn't ready to be a husband. That if he were to try he would fail. And that if he were to stay with me, he would be living a lie because he isn't ready to be tied down. he thinks we married to young. He said we have grown apart. He wants to find out who he is before he will be ready.... if ever.... to be married. He told me tonight that he can't be himself around me. That he cant do anything he wants to do with me.

You want to know the wierd part? I asked him what he couldn't do. And what he told me was one of the things I LOVED about him when we first met. And I remember trying for a long time to get him to do ANYTHING that we used to do together... and he never wanted to. I miss the person I married almost 4 years ago. I miss the fun loving guy who used to throw me in the snow between classes. Or the guy who used to take his shirt off when he rock climbed just to show off. So many of the things he feels he can't do are reasons why I love him so much in the first place.

So many times recently I have wanted to yell at him. Wanted to tell him to grow up... stop being so selfish... we have a CHILD together. I want to cry to him.... beg him not to give up on what we have. He keeps telling me that he will be there for Ryan no matter what... that he will always be a father to his son. But how can he commit to that if h can't be a husband. My dad said the same thing and you don't even want to get me started on that story. I don't see how he can commit to one if he isnt capable of commiting to the other.

So what do I do now. Do I tell him to go.... I'll wait forever for him? Do I beg and plead and hope he comes around? Do I get mad at him (I have red hair you know!) and tell him exactly how selfish I think he is being. Do I roll over, take it, and become a single mom at 23? I know I can't do it alone... I know that I am fooling myself in to thinking that once he gets here in 2 weeks that he will realize what he would be losing and grow up and everything will be peachy keen. I don't even know how to date anymore. I don't want to be a single mom....